Touring BC! It's Gonna Happen..

OMG! So I actually did get a tour of Brooklyn College for tomorrow! We won't be walking around awkward and aimlessly! I had to send an email since a certain person at the offices of BC wasn't picking up the phone but they got back to me promptly (a real person) and I'm so glad I did. We have to meet on the second floor of the big, glass, West Quad Building at the Welcome Center. Tell them we were sent by 'shannon'. I'm so glad! I hope all goes well and I really hope my dad shows up on time!!!! It's at 10am. Wish me luck.

We are also going to visit my sister Julie and family later so maybe that'll take my parent's mind's off things if something unpleasant happens.

Accessoriesss

So I've been thinking a lot about my clothes again, wardrobe planning and such, and I realize I really do need more/new accessories. They really did help me sort of shape my style and outfits. Especially since I'm partial to solid color things and basics because I can't afford the more unique, quality, expressive tops( accessories do a lot).

I like some of the stuff on jewelmint! They're definitely not the most expensive items but I still don't think I could buy something every month or as much as I'd like to. Quality in fashion jewelry is an issue though if you don't have mad bread (but I feel like jewelmint does provide that). Some people don't care, but I can't really stand noticeable cheap shit (accessories) from like forever 21 or some such.

Hopefully I can get some nice accessories before school starts.

Lip Balm Lip Balm

So I'm pretty sure I've mentioned in the past buying Nivea Kiss Of Moisture Essential Lip Care. It was a suggestion by 'real simple' for lips in winter. It's not bad, really soft, so a lot comes off at once. It is moisturizing but on the other hand if you're not used to feeling like there's 'something on your lips' then this might take some getting used to. It feels something akin to vaseline, it might even be softer.
I was the type who didn't like feeling stuff on my lips but I was desperate to get rid of / treat my chappyness.

The real significance of this product however was that it gave me a new appreciation for my Burt's Bees lip balm. I went back to Burt's Bees after using Nivea for awhile, applying it just like I normally used to, and automatically felt how little of the product I was using. Basically, I realized I wasn't getting the full effect of Burt's Bees because I hadn't been putting on enough. Using the right amount it definitely lasts a pretty long time (it did for me, overnight!) and after awhile I did see less peeling of my lips! (without even exfoliating)

(You may have to re-apply after eating and drinking but I don't think that's a big deal.)

(Part of the reason that I think my lip balm doesn't have staying power is that when I put it on I start constantly rubbing my lips together, and sometimes licking them and such.)

So yeah, I'll definitely be buying more Burt's Bees balm when I get a chance. I'm really interested in trying more of the different types/flavors. As for Nivea Kiss Of Moisture well.. I would definitely get it as a supplement in winter (not in the summer because it would melt I think). But I'm still open to trying something else.. Thinking about trying 'Baby Lips' from Maybelline and going back to the past for some classic lip smackers :3

Like I had said in a previous post I got into Brooklyn College and City College (and also CSI, College Of Staten Island). I'm waiting on some registration packets with necessary enrollment forms and such. I'm still waiting on my SUNY notices of admission. Hopefully I hear something from them very soon!

Flex This

My work is getting very unreliable. I keep getting flex shifts in which I have to wait around all day to see if I have to go in at all. Not to mention I went from working 30 hours to 1 - 2 days a week. In the beginning less hours was a nice respite since I didn't like my managers but now I really need the money and these complete flex shifts are an inconvenience because I need to see people and go places (i.e. visit colleges and meet up with certain people). I would find another job but I would only be around for less than a month and a half. *Sigh so annoying.

Plus my mom wont shut up about it! You're not helping woman.. Why are you complaining about MY job? You don't even drive me there. I swear, she just likes to complain. I mean.. what does she think she's doing for me by carrying on the way she does about it? Nothing. Not that she ever thinks of what she's doing to me. >.>

Brooklyn College: The Final Battle

So I've gotten into Brooklyn College and City College, two of my top choices if you remember from some of my posts before. Go figure, things aren't going as well as I'd hoped or fantasized however, even though these schools are close and can't get much cheaper. Thanks for making my pre-college experience, distressing, traumatizing, and sad mother.

My dad is being as supportive as he can be though and we (including my mom and stepdad) are going to visit the Brooklyn College area this Friday. It seems like progress but I feel like it'll be really awkward. There are no official tours or freshman seminars that day so we'll just be putting around. With my dad it's fine but my mom and stepdad are not so easy going or flexible. They just have the biggest aversion to 'winging it' (so freaking up tight sometimes).

Hopefully something unexpected in a good way happens! I'm really hoping there would be.. I'm preparing myself for if I really have to stay here and commute but my dad seems eager to pull through for me and I really appreciate that. I feel a bit defeated but I don't want to give up.

There's just so much to do and so little time to do it. And I can't even do the necessary crap I have to until some major decisions are made.. but seriously I dont have time to wait around for those!. Sigh.. I'd like to fast forward a month.

Passing The Day With Makeup

Spent the better part of this day playing with some of my moms cheap makeup brushes, eye shadow, mascara and my milani eye liner. I'm not going to write anything substantial about them yet though. So far, they are really soft with very good pigmentation. The tip quickly becomes pretty fat however, and it's not ideal for making fine lines.

I learned a lot about mascara today, about building it and it's behavior etc.! I think I would definitely benefit from a good eyelash curler. Also, my mom's eye shadows suck.. and so do her brushes.. really badly.. or maybe I just need some sort of primer.. But I think I prefer cream shadows. I just felt like you could see all the little eye shadow particles.. not smooth at all.

In addition, I think I'm also getting bettter at applying the right amount of the maybelline 24 hour lip color; not letting so much come out at once. I'd still like to try a different color but I've figure out how to make it look more appropriate for my face.

Apps In.. Crisis?

I've pretty much finished all my SUNY applications. I almost had a meltdown just before because I thought that one of the schools needed more letters of recommendations than I had. Fortunately, I looked some more and found that that was just for graduate programs. Even though I've done all I can do and can pretty much say my application process is finished I still feel very nervous.. in part because I submitted everything kind of last minute.. Even though the application deadline is today, December 1st, feels like some of the schools had already been sending out notices of admission. T_T

I wonder if I made a strong enough case justifying my sub par high school performance..It makes me nervous because I don't think I did. The bright side might be that I won't be too sad if I don't get accepted anywhere good (anywhere that I actually want to be).

Milani :3

Today I got the two Milani Liquif'eye eye liner pencils I ordered on black friday. At first I was a little anxious about spending money on them but looking at the receipt I'm pretty glad. For 7.99 I got two classic, quality, eye liners that would normally cost me over 20 dollars including the shipping. Very satisfying buy.

I haven't tried them yet but I can't wait to. I'll definitely report back when I do! :3

P.S. They're paraben free! How great is that?

Presents?

It's the end of November now and we're moving on to the holly jolly holiday season. My stepdad is a bit on top of me about telling him what I want for Christmas so he has time to get it while it's on sale or find it for cheaper. Sigh, I really don't know what I want for christmas yet.

125

Even though I think I've been eating more junk, apparently I've reached my goal weight. Our scale is kind of old so I wish I had another one to confirm it on. However, my friend did try it out herself and said that it read her correct weight when she went on it.

Lol it (my goal weight) doesn't look quite like I thought it would but maybe that's because it's not really toned or anything. I wonder if I could lose a few more pounds because I've never been under this weight (since before middleschool). Very interesting! Hopefully it stays off!

Xoloxolo Olo

I think I've finally decided what type of dog I want; the xolocuintli. A cool, unique, non-man-made breed. It comes in multiple sizes, doesn't shed and is supposedly intelligent and personable. Plus, the puppies are adorable! They are also called 'Mexican Hairless' or just 'Xolos' for short.

I read somewhere that the really dark ones are less prone to skin problems. I definitely want one that's like pitch black or super dark grey.

"General Disagreement"?

"General disagreement **
Valid during many months: On the negative side, this can be a time of furious conflict with others. Recent actions by you or by other people may have created energies that lead to anger, rage and general disagreement between you and others. If you have not been careful to enlist people to your side in any work that required your individual initiative and if you have alienated them thereby, you may find now that the forces of opposition have become too great to control.

The other side of this transit is quite different and much more positive. It can mean a time when some activity you started in the past is brought to a triumphal climax. However, you had to face a challenge that tested the validity of what you were doing. If you survived that challenge successfully, you will now enjoy the fruition of that effort. "

I've never gotten a horoscope quite like this before... I'm really hoping that the negative isn't the one that comes to pass but I feel like it will be.. that, however, might just be the mild anxiety talking.
Tread carefully I will..

On Perfume, This Blog, Black Friday, And Lotion.

I'm still looking for a good lotion. St. Ives' Whipped silk was discontinued >:(

Some other interesting news is that I purchased something on Black Friday, two Milani Liquif'eye eye liner pencils. It's probably my first ever, personal, Black Friday purchase in life :). It was pretty fun even though I only shopped online. Milani is a bit expensive for me normally, but they are good pencils that I needed and I figured I would've gotten them in the future but then they'd be normal price!

Shipping was a bit high though = (

Also, while I was writing this I made a decision to condense some of my product hunting posts unless I'm really into something in particular. I really don't restrain myself here and let myself be implusive but I'm sad that's all I wrote about this month really, is minor things about stuff (items). It is mostly what I've been thinking about lately though (a good chunk of it).

Things are starting to get heavy again though.. (lol or maybe it's just PMS.)

Ok, so back to stuff...
I'm surprised I still haven't purchased any perfume! I'm still being really cheap and hesitating because of the prices. Like, for the price, I want something I REALLY like and can also wear every day because I don't get to buy luxury items all that often.. (lol need to save money).

I definitely have a few favorites but I've yet to come to a decision as to which to buy... for a few reasons.. whether it's the bottle style compared to one or whether one is more representative of my personality.. or it's too mature for me at this age. etc.

Hopefully I'll find something soon.. I think when I get the feel of Spring and things start moving faster the right choice will just hit me.

SOSPMS

I'm feeling anxious again lately and more sensitive to my concerns about school, applying to them, and certain personal relationships (feeling a little alone as well).

I think it might be, in large part, the onset of PMS. :(

(I got a bloaty belly too but that might be from eating so much Thanksgiving food.) The distress always makes me feel compelled to read my long term horoscope forecasts which does help me put certain things in perspective sometimes. It also reminds me of what I need/should be doing in life.

Meditation

I read a few interesting internet guides/articles about meditation just now. I think I would really benefit from starting up again (with meditation) and sticking with it better this time lol.

Fritt

These fritters are getting less and less and even less tasty than they alrdy are. Ugh I hate BBQ flavored things >.<

Day Before T Day

Eatin BBQ flavored chicken fritters that are more fritters than chicken and watching the new TRON movie.

Waiting for minnie to call me back too.

I can't wait to get this application stuff over with again = (

Gotta remember to stop by the high school on MONDAY = (

My mom is prolly gonna come home later and complain about my room.

LOTION pt2

I take back what I said about giovanni and st. ives! I mean I might try Giovanni shampoo but I think for affordable lotion I'll try St. Ives whipped silk!

LOTION

I had just come out of the shower when i noticed that my skin was itchy and dry.. and I scratched it and made it even more irritated. It was mostly on my limbs, my excema bumps on my arms were prominent and a tad flakey and my legs were just ashy and irritated from scratching. In my desperation to relieve myself I grabbed some old Aveeno lotion.. and started covering one of my legs with it... However it turned out to be so gross smelling and it doesn't feel very nice. The smell is weird like unwashed bathing suit saturated in chlorine. It sucks because I just showered.. I'll have to hop in the shower 2moro and exfoliate (and get this gross aveeno off me).
I used my C.O. Bigelow lemon body cream for the spots on my arms as well as my other leg.

Basically, I need new body lotion. C.O. Bigelow is too small for daily use as well as expensive.. The Burt's Bees I have is also expensive and doesn't absorb well in my skin (the scent isn't terrible but it's not my favorite and it's very strong.

Hmm.. St. Ives seems uninteresting.. I'm considering Giovanni products.. I like the packaging and the natural ingredients including their choice of oils. Their shampoo seems to get good reviews as well.

Promenade Cosmetics

So I found this little cosmetics store (similar to Sally's) in the shopping center where I work! I had no idea it was there previously and don't know if it was new or if I just hadn't noticed it. It's a little dinky but supplies are supplies and they are pretty well stocked on hair stuff. It was also surprising to find that they sell quite a bit of perfumes/fragrances.. a lot of bad stuff but a few good, obscure ones.. which was interesting.

Mostly I'm happy to note that they sell Queen Helene Products! Notably, the Queen Helene masks! Today I got the mud pack masque and I'm considering getting the Mint Julep one the next time I stop by!

I'm using the mask for the first time right now and I'm really hoping it'll help with my pores.

Tr*sha Eggs

My manager smells like eggs!!! T___T It's already bad when people don't like you but then you smell literallly tooo.

I think I'm..scratch that! I'm definitely too sedentary lately..! Even though I do plenty of moving around at work.

I'm starting to get out of it though; getting the urge to get out and about again during the day.

libah

Alijah isn't around. He makes me feel pretty lonely sometimes = (. Like even if I had more friends to hang out with I'd still feel pretty down overall because I hadn't talked to him.

Leaving Paradise.

I reread Paradise Kiss today.. there's just so much to say and I probably won't be able to say all of it. It was really.... I mean, I had read it before when I was younger and liked it but this time around it was sooo WOW.... Chapter after chapter it was so relate-able to me in a weird way. The relationship between Yukari and George, dealing with natural immaturity/selfishness..and stubborn, warped personalites.. and their expectations of each other, really spoke to me. There were many other things too though.. especially the ending. I mean I get it but.. of course there's the part of me that's screaming for a typical shojo happy ending.. where they overcome all odds and stay together :3 It's almost unsatisfying when I remember that they really do not.

Idk.. It was just a freakishly impressive piece of work.

I hope I meet great people to value and have life changing/affirming experiences.

First Yogurty Results

So I did my bubz inspired yogurt mask! And although I'm not quite sure that my skin is all that much softer it does feel a bit plumper and got rid of the bit of very light pattern dryness I had before. It also felt really nice, especially since the yogurt was straight out of the fridge and had been in there awhile. My face looks brighter and the mask was VERY refreshing. Overall, definitely a great pick me up.

I also think using a different yogurt would give one different/better results and I would love to try it again with a different yogurt.

Yogurt Mask!

It only dawned on me recently how nice it is to use a face mask after a long day. Unfortunately I can't use my Skin Food Rice Mask more than once a week or it makes my face look a little weird (plus I don't have that much of it). Good thing I caught bubzbeauty's vid where she uses yogurt as a face mask to hydrate skin! Great idea for me! Generally it's inexpensive and I do tend to have yogurt around.

Fail!October

Totally did not reach my post quota again! Fail! like my Halloween.

Waves of Unpleasantness

I don't think I like working at Pier 1 anymore.. = ( and I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm going to get in trouble.. well I have reason to believe that I will.

It sucks because I really just got a good hang on things.. and it's not the actual work that's bad or troublesome it's really just the annoying change in management. I seriously didn't have much in the way of problems before besides the occasional irate customer.

Not to mention, it's not as fun as it used to be... I don't see the people I like as often and the assistant managers that were there before have left. Both of them had a lovely sense of humor, were considerate, flexible, and good with customers and what they do.

I mean I know I should cut the new ones some slack but they are really weird to work with and have odd temperaments among other things. Thinking to myself now, I realize I wouldn't be complaining about them that much but I'm realizing how much they're behavior affects the tone of my work day.. (which hasn't been all that good lately..) The same goes for the new store manager. I hate when she is there.

I dunno. It's just been wave after wave of unpleasantness and I don't get paid that much so, although I could use the money, it's not that big a motivator.
....
However I know well enough that there are much worse places to work than Pier 1, even the way it is now, so for now that's keeping me there. Maybe I'll pick up an application at Barnes & Nobles though..

Hm.

Thinking about my future right now is like looking into a cheap kaleidoscope; interesting enough to keep you peering through but clearly fragmented..

Unwind

House all to myself + Bailey's in the nice glass + incense + Rites of Spring = yes

Eau Premiere

The November VOGUE issue came in today and I was excited to sniff the new perfume swatches. I actually really liked Chanel N5 Premiere even though I was hesitant to try it at first.Usually I can't get a good wiff of Chanel perfumes because the MACYs ladies are always on top of me; makes it hard for me to think..err smell and remember the scents.

So yeah, I actually think I really want to get Chanel N5 Premiere but go figure it's one of the more expensive. Also, wasn't sure if it was too mature for mee.. Maybe if I wore nicer clothes while wearing it?x3

Other than that, I was interested in Oscar de la Renta Espirit d'Oscar. The scent seemed like it would be more age appropriate for me but it's not wearing as well on my wrist as the Chanel.

PERFUMANIIAAA

Ladies that work at Perfumania > ladies that work at perfume dept. in MACYS. They are way more helpful.. know more.. don't talk as much and leave you alone.

Being.

I don't know how to  BE.. I have to find a happy medium.

Tr*sha

The new regime under the new store manager is really annoying. That woman is awkward and condescending and she reminds me of my dad's crazy ex-wife. If you didn't think things could get more irritating at work...they definitely can.
I dread doing closing with my manager and any of the new assistant managers now = ( Two out of the three times I was stuck with them they made me stay late. *Sigh we were just fine before!

"Only If You Run"

"I´ve had my frustrations about the pains of daily life
I´ve tasted degradation and found the lace and candle light
But we have the weights we have the measures of our days and nights
I´ve had my frustrations but now I´ve found my place

And you will make it
But only if you run"

Julian Plenti (solo name of singer from Interpol)

Emily Emily (Haines)

I googled pictures of the group 'Metric'. One of my go to things to listen thing when I chill out or if I decide not to put on anything too intense. I was surprised by the lead singer. From her voice I always pictured like, an ultra femme, lipstic lesbian, Avril Lavigne, type; Brightly painted nails and long blonde hair, skinny, with dark eye makeup and red lip stick, and lots of bracelets on. But she's actually pretty quirky looking (in a good way of course), an unexpectedly strong jaw, and much more mature aura. I like it a lot.

She reminds me of Uma Thurman (probably best known as the main character from 'Kill Bill').

They could probably pass for sisters, or cousins or something.

FRIENDS

I actually watched 'FRIENDS' in the early AMs last night (this morning?). I thought back to my boyfriend's sister who liked FRIENDS a lot and claimed to have watched all the episodes. It's not my new favorite or anything but I better understand the appeal now. The memories I had about it before were when I was a kid so I get why I didn't like it so much.

Changing Seasons

It's been very cool and sunny out. My cheeks had some light dryness (could just be my toner lol) and my lips are getting chapped as hell (someone is whippin up a batch of sugar scrub soon). So the cold seasons are definitely on the move. Not to mention it's pretty deep into October. I'm almost starting to feel a similar anxiety about the winter season as I did about autumn in the summer. Again, it might be the PMS. I hope nothing bad happens.

Nails Painted Nails

Just recently I've gotten into the idea of painting my nails. I haven't done that since middle school and although I like it on other people, the last time I tried it again, I was really irked with not being able to see my natural nails.

However my friend said that she likes her natural nails too but until they grow out and there's white tips, she paints them.

I do cut my nails to get them to grow back even so I suppose I could paint them in the meantime too. (Because I like the white part, but if they're not there then maybe 'what the hey?'.

I really like the Sally Hansen color 'Grey By Grey'. I think I might get that. I also liked 'Haute Chocolate', from the same line. Patterns and designs are neat.. the Sally Hansen Salon Effects ones are kinda ugly though.

Stuffy Day, Work Tomorrow

Today the house was kind of stuffy and tense. Generally it is a bit oppressive but I felt quite shepherded into my room and not able to get out. My step dad was in the living room most of the day.. I think he was mad also, about stuff, and annoyed at me. Maybe it's just my PMS making me a little irritated. Point is, not the loveliest day off. Also, my friend was suppose to come over but she didn't, again. I wanted her to do nail things with me = (

My 'HEM' brand Patchouli incense was nice today though. I definitely need more scents.

It's back to work tomorrow, closing. Hope I'm not stuck alone with the new store manager. I'm not that fond of her and last time she made me stay later than late. Also, I have to take the bus; good thing I found some quarters!

Caught 'Songcatcher'

Watched  the middle/end of the movie 'Songcatcher' on HBO. It was nice! I like the music a lot and that beardy mountain guy with the guitar is pretty cute. Good movie. Might have seen it before but I don't remember.

Someone To Talk To

A little lonely at the moment! Or, I want to talk to someone at least. My friends are busy and my boyfriend is who knows where doing whatever... Or maybe he is sleeping. He should call me damnit

Making Sugaring Paste Pt.3 (final?)

I ended up not using my sugaring paste and I don't know if I will. It hardened up way more than I thought it would and now I understand the purpose of a microwavable jar. Although this jar handled the heat of it while pouring it in. It's doubtful it wouldn't crack in the microwave.
However, at least I know how to make it now, and that it's not very difficult :3 Also, next time I'll just make enough for one use unless I find a better container to keep it in.

It's tasty though. wonder if I should attempt a lollipop or something.

About September

After my blog finished up the month of August I thought it was cool that I had pretty much the same amount of posts as July without even trying. Except for one (literally) August had 35 entries and July had 36. I decided that from now on I would have at least 36 entries every month. I started lagging behind in September but in one day I easily churned out maybe 6 posts so I thought I was on the right track.

SIGH

but as you can see.. I really completely failed.. September only making 22 posts. lol It just urks. I will try not to make the same mistake again. Even though I'm off to a slow start.

Apps Not In..

I texted Minnie last night about me worrying about college and life and she called me this morning to say that we'll talk about it tonight. That makes me feel a little relieved. I really wanna get stuff done but I seriously need help. I hope it's not too much for her.

It's quite.. idk.. unnerving(?) not knowing where I'm going to be in a few months. You could say that I'll be away no matter what.. at an upstate SUNY or in the CUNY but I still have the very unassured feeling that things will go wrong.

New PS3

*SIGH So I tried the new hard drive and although the hard drive itself worked perfectly fine it did not fix my disk reading problem! I ended up getting a new PS3 slim after tinkering with the optical drive on the old PS3 caused more trouble (I thought I was close to a breakthrough but then I pulled apart something I shouldn't have and might have lost some pieces). Decided to cut my losses after that. My step dad bought me the new PS3 which is a relief on my wallet but he still made me feel bad about it. It cost more than I anticipated.. and after we got it I realize I could have gotten it cheaper online (>.<). So I feel extra bad about that.. even though I did offer to give him the money back for it.

Oh well, just focus on the bright things... cut my losses.. got a new PS3 straight from the store.. so I didn't have to wait.. I can finally play gamess!!! OMg. And my dear dear boyfriend pre-ordered Skyrim for me too.

New PS3 Hard drive!

Finally ordered a new hard drive for my PS3! I already feel better about it but there is still a chance that it won't fix anything. Well, at least I'll have more space either way which is good.

Also, my step dad opted to pay for it so that's a big relief. I seriously don't make that much money and don't have a lot to spend for myself after putting allotted amounts away into savings. (I also have other things to buy.)

I want to take a bath (too bad the tub doesn't fill up) and eat some shrimp cocktail.

The one I picked out is the Seagate Momentus-- something something. 500GB and 5400 rpm.. should work fine!

I can't wait to start playing video games again! Skyrim is also coming out soooon!

Boot Hunt.

I have been on a crazy boot hunt since summer ended. For the life of me, I cannot find decent quality knee high or over knee boots, under $100 that fit my tastes. It's crazy considering I am seriously looking for something clean and basic (but chic), not elaborate or super stylized. The department stores I've been to so far, MACYS, Sears, JCPenneys, Kohl's.. Marshalls and a few smaller stores.. are all filled with ugly boots or one's that I'm just not looking to buy.

If I had the money I'd snatch up some of the Vince Camuto boots, particularly 'Flavian' or the one with the buttons down the side.

In the end I went back to an old favorite and think I will buy Doctor Martins 'Leanne' boots in black. A lace up wedge doc martin. It's basic but a little statement-y, durable, calf adjustable, and under $200. It also has a very tailored looking ankle which I like because my ankles are thick (gotta slim those puppies down). The heel is a little higher than I intended to purchase for an every day boot but it's a wedge, and Doc Martin brand so hopefully it will be comfortable and not hard to wear. Also, the leather seems softer than your typical Dr. martin boot so it shouldn't be uncomfortably stiff.

I was seriously considering getting a typical 20 eyelet doc martin boot but whenever I see it worn the calf looks a bit wide (unless it's a skinny person with a small shoe size wearing it). So I'm questioning how adjustable it is.. I mean I haven't seen enough pictures to be assured of it's adjustability. However it is a lace up boot so it should be very so!

I shouldn't be too afraid into being locked into one style.. I'll buy more boots as I go along.

Outgrowing

So, I found these awesome pair of chuck taylors on their website yesterday. I love them they are really great. Dark grey charcoal, black, wool and leather. The texture and the colors, and how they are arranged are definitely Megan approved! But I wore sneakers today to the mall and I found that, even though they don't look bad on mee.. that I don't really like them anymore. I mean..I felt a little immature wearing sneakers..
So I'm really debating getting these new ones because.. even though I know they won't look bad.. I don't want to look so casual anymore. I will probably regret not being able to get those sneakers though (for the hell of it) because, rarely do I find ones that I really like!

I don't look older but I feel like I have outgrown many things.. >.<

Making Sugaring Paste Pt.2

Ok so I finally finished. I got it to change all necessary colors and jar it up. I think the reason I was a little confused with the color is because I was using a black pot, so it looked darker, as opposed to the youtube user who was using a silver pot ( in which you could see more amber). I found an old jar.. it might not be the best jar to put hot things in but it's a decent size and I ran it under warm/hot water before putting the sugaring paste in.

It's a little lighter looking than in the picture. Also, I ate some, and it's not half bad tasting in small amounts. It sort of reminds me of honey cough drops.

I did attempt to use it in a rush/excitement and didn't wait for it to cool enough and almost burned myself + make slight sticky mess + not use cornstarch as advised by the youtube user.

Some problems.. I don't know how to effectively get it off the pot or the utensils I used.

Don't have time to try it out for real yet!

Making Sugaring Paste Pt.1

I am literally in the process of making 'sugaring' paste. If you don't already know, sugaring is a natural form of hair removal, similar to waxing. This is my first time making the paste and I am using a recipe from a youtube user (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7v-p8pW07iE). It basically consists of sugar, lemon juice, and water, heated over the stove into a paste/goo, with constant stirring. I'm a little concerned about the heat of the stovee.. and am not exactly sure what heat I should be using at what times and etc. to get the proper effect. I kinda just know what it's 'supposed' to look like. Maybe I should have done more research x3.

Well I kinda know that when people make caramel it involves heating sugar and has to be really hot.. the goo for sugaring (in the video) looks kind of like that, the color, so maybe I should put it up high. I'm also wondering if I should cover it or not.

Oh also.. we actually ended up not having lemon juice! So I literally had to fist squeeze some lemons into a cup >.> Kind of tedious but maybe it'll be better with fresh lemon juice.

========

Ok so I did cover it for a bit and that might have been a mistake cuz it got all bubbly and was hard to bring down.. It doesnt look amber gooey yet.

========

kept it on low heat and finally got that ambery color! but covered it a bit again so it got a little foamy.

CIDERR

I DISCOVERED APPLE CIDER! I had no idea how much I wanted some until I saw it. Yay!

Restock Biore!

Ok, so I'd been putting off going to CVS for some reason because I thought I'd wait to go with a friend. However I'd been running out of the Biore Pore Unclogging Scrub sample (that lasted quite a long, long while!) and was getting uncomfortable with not being able to wash my face properly. I finally went today! And got my first full sized bottle(?) of it. Looking forward to washing my face tonight x3.

'Kiss Of Moisture' Weee

So I was looking for a good lip balm to use since Winter is around the corner and I refuse to constantly have chapped lips. Burt's Bees is decent but it doesn't seem to have as much staying power. Taking a suggestion from 'Real Simple', the website, I picked up "Nivea 'A Kiss Of Moisture' Essential Lip Care" at my local drug store. It's probably a brand a lot of people have used before but I just sort of rediscovered their stuff. I think I will also get one of their other balms for the heck of it..

I only just put it on once because I want to save it for when Winter really rolls around but it's nice.. The tube is thick and the product is clear/white and goes somewhat glossy (good to match up lip stains) and has a sweet smell that doesn't resemble anything in particular but isn't bad at all.

Acqua Di Gio

So I found a perfume that I am pretty crazy about. It's called "Acqua di Gio" by Giorgio Armani and it's available at Macy's (although I think I've found it cheaper online). I also like that there is a companion cologne for men. It's a tad pricey but most decent perfumes are but it's less than $100. Thank VOGUE for this lovely discovery.

Winx Club Redub X_X

So they redubbed the english Winx Club which I don't understand at all. The characters all sound the same now and have a lot less personality.. I mean not that it was a super deep show to begin with but... now they seriously all sound like 12 year old girls talking into a microphone.

Woe

I'm back to feeling like I can't get too excited about college again. I kept getting amped about Brooklyn College and I made plans concerning if I had to go there (out of necessity) but there is a pretty reasonable chance that I will not so I guess I'm trying to brace myself for that. I just reaaaally don't want to be bummed or less excited about school as I could be if I don't get in. My SUNY apps aren't squared yet and that is troubling me too.. (since I probably won't get into Brooklyn College..that is my best bet).

*SIGH. Things will work out.. >.>

I'm considering saving even more of my money now so I can buy things during college.. I mean.. considering I probably don't NEED anything at the moment..It might be worth just saving it to have it later.

Solitude!

I'm alone QUITE a lot I realize... A LOT. I don't know how I tolerate it. If someone else was me they would probably be super depressed because of that by itself. I shoulldddd.. go out more. I just feel like I can't really that freely yet. Not that there's anything to do around here.

Work is going ok *knock on wood*. I'm still a little worried about my college applications because those aren't done yet (the essay part). I'm also having trouble 'budgeting' sort of because I want to allot so much money to school and to life savings that I don't have any money left over for myself.. but there are some things I would like to get.. while I do have some income of my own.. because I might not when school rolls around.

Fall Vogue 2011

A mysterious fall vogue appeared in the mail today addressed to my mother! We never get vogue in the mail so she must have signed up for it from the ELLE mag I gave her. It's a tad less exciting because I've already flipped through it in the bookstore and seen some of the ads in the ELLE but I guess I can look at it more closely now.. maybe we'll get more!! That would be great.

It's weird that it suddenly appeared to me on the one day I decide to watch 'Project Runway'.. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something

End Of Trueblood Season 4 (spoilers)

Saw the last episode of season 4 of True Blood. I feel like this season was very short and there was more suspense in the past ones but, of course, it was not without it's great, interesting moments. I'm mad they killed Jesus.. I thought he would be sticking around for awhile and I will not be happy if Tara dies. Idk why people hate Tara.. I know she makes mistakes and is a bit wound up but she's a great person/character and has done nothing unreasonable.. and Sookie has done plenty of stupid shit. I don't usually say this but I think some people just don't like her because she's black.

Towards the end I was wondering what else could they surprise us with.. like in terms of setting up for next season and the future problems.. Having Reverend Newlin show up as a vampire was absolutely superb! I mean it wasn't a total head spinner but I was just like 'hahahaahaha cool!'... it really was.

And also.. I thought it was weird that they killed Nan.. not that she was a favorite or anything but Idk.. I feel like she would be involved more. I wonder if they are going to introduce a lot of new characters since they seem to be killing off quite a few.

Otocinclus and Feeding Cory Cats

My tank looks super algae free now! There's just some dead algae that flaked off and landed on the bottom and on the plant but other than that.. the cave is algae free and the gravel doesn't have a spot of bright green. Now I just wonder what my otocinclus is going to eat or if he's going to live. I almost hope more algae grows now that I know it won't be a big problem.

My cory cats were looking kind of gaunt even though I've been trying to feed them. My betta is pretty tolerant of the other fish but he will get aggressive over food or at least scare them away. He eats their pellets and their wafers.. he gets so fat sometimes it's a wonder he hasn't overeaten and died. So my new 'solution'.. well, it's an idea, is to crush up the pellets and have them get sprinkled over the bottom.. this way they are not noticeable but the cory cats will suck them up and as they scrounge around. I'm not sure if this is enough or if the filter gets most of it or if I'm just making my tank gravel dirty but >.> Don't know what else to do!

Oh Nepenthe pt.2

My new tumblr is coming along well enough. Finding interesting stuff has gotten a lot easier and I actually dared to write about something (albeit clumsily like I always do)! Here it is again, ohnepenthe.tumblr.com

"If you strive to be RICH: Then you should pay yourself 15 - 20 %"

So, I've been thinking about savings accounts again.! And after I buy my 32gb Zune I will start putting the bulk of my earnings away. I'm seriously considering using ING Direct savings, American Express, or Discover.

My problem is, although I want Discover and their 1.10% APY, they have a $500.00 minimum to start.. which I don't think I have.. and even if I do, they have $50 minimum deposit which I don't know if I could keep up with. Ideally I'd like to save over 10 years.. $50 dollars weekly. But since I'll be going to school I don't know if I'll have a job or a way to get that money. Same problem if I wanted to put $100 a month into savings although it's not impossible to do if one was working.

I really want to be consistent with savings and not miss 4 years of savings while I'm in school.

ING Direct and American Express have a %1.00 APY which isn't horrible at all, plus no minimum and I think no fees. One of those or something like 'Ally' bank would probably be more ideal.

Biore Triple Action Astringent Arrived!

YAY! Today I got my 'Biore Triple Action Astringent', that I ordered off Amazon, in the mail today. I haven't used it yet but I'm very excited to! It has 2% salicylic acid as it's active ingredient which is no big deal. It is also states that it is 'Clinically proven to INSTANTLY work 66% BETTER THAN 'Proactiv'" Which I didn't know about, so that's cool. It's 8.5oz (250mL) and I got it for like 9 bucks including shipping.

Hopefully it works extra well with my Biore Pore Unclogging Scrub (which I am almost out of)!

Penniless Audiophile

After doing some looking around and reading review after review I decided to order new headphones! The Brainwavs M1 seem to be one of the best in my price range ($30 - 40). I was originally only hoping to spend $30 at the most but then I had remembered that my last headphones were about $40 so I thought it was best to spend around that again. I know money isn't everything though and I'm not implying that it's impossible for there to be a good IEM for around $30 but based on reviews and some other stuff I thought it'd be best to spend around as much as last time.

Oh, and another great thing is I qualified for super save shipping or whatever on amazon! I love free shipping so much.. shipping & handling fees always break my balls. In total I think it cost me like $39.99

Very excited waiting to get them!

Omnom.

I hate staying up long/late enough to get hungry again. Midnight snack indeed.

3:45 - 8:30

UUUUGHHH I HAVE WORK TODAY! WTHHH!!!!!!!!! T___T *Sigh...........

Savings

I got this offline and will hold it near and dear to my heart. It concerns how much of your paycheck should go towards savings (what percentage).

* If you strive to be DEAD BROKE: Then you should spend more than you earn

* If you strive to be POOR: Then you should spend everything you make, and always talk of saving “some day”

* If you strive to be MIDDLE CLASS: Then you should pay yourself 5 - 10% gross income

* If you strive to be UPPER MIDDLE CLASS: Then you should pay yourself 10 -15%

* If you strive to be RICH: Then you should pay yourself 15 - 20 %

* If you strive to be RICH ENOUGH TO RETIRE EARLY: Then you should pay yourself greater than 20%

Otocinclus to the Rescue!

The surviving oto seems to have eaten almost all the algae! My tank is pretty clean now except for a single plastic plant, some gravel, and a bit of the tank deco. It seems to be dying too, the algae, it's changed from the bright green to a dark, muddy, hooker green, while sort of.. flaking off. I removed some because I read somewhere that dead algae turns into/gives off ammonia but I want to leave it too, to feed the oto. I think they do eat dead algae as well.. well, I hope so because that plant is still covered and I don't want ammonia in the tank!

Plus I don't want to have to take out everything to clean the ornaments / gravel when everything appears to be stabilizing finally. Don't know if the water siphon will clean the gravel that well either...

Also, my betta fish seems to be doing much better. His color is brighter and more even, and there is just a bit of new fin growth.

Jonesing For College

*SIGH MY FRIEND IS AWAY, IN SCHOOL!. and I is here. I don't want to be working.. I want to go to college already! I want to learn new stuff, take notes, listen to lectures, and read shit! and yeah.. all that jazz. live away. have things set in motion!

Painless

Hmm.. I'm not interested in jinxing myself or speaking too soon but work has gotten a lot better. It's probably because I have learned more and don't have to ask for help quite AS much. I was kinda slow today though so I better remind myself not to be a slacker! Working 5 days this week.. hmm hope the monies is sizable..

FIRST SKIN FOOD!

So I finally decided to get a hold of the "Skin Food Rice Mask Wash Off". I'd been oggling it for a time but I was hesitant to spend money on anything in general (still kinda am). It's smaller than I would like! (which also made me hesitant to buy it) but it has nothing but great reviews and I think it could really help my skin! I got it for just about $11 maybe it was $10.75 total on Ebay. It normally goes for around $20 so paying only half that is great...especially since it's so small. I better make it last >.>

It smells like lotion!

More Brooklyn College Babble

OMG. So I checked the website and I do not need a essay/supplement.. thank god (although this might be a bad thing too). Furthermore my SAT scores seem like they make the cut just about, with and without my writing score being included.. My math is JUST high enough that if I got in I wouldn't have to take the C.U.N.Y. Skills Assessment Test! Thank the stars, I do not want to take more tests. Really hope I get in x.x

Early November

OMG! According to the CUNY site I should know if I got into any of the CUNY Schools (BROOOOOKLYYNNN COLLEGGEEE!!!!) in early November.. *sigh Omg. OMGGGGG.. that's sooner than expected. I'm happy about that but I just keep like.. flipping back and forth.. between thinking I have a chance to thinking I have absolutely none. My grades aren't that great.. and there's no essay as far as I know.. but my resume seems like it might be kinda good/decent. *SIGH

Brooklyn College! City Housing? It's Coming Soon..

So I was trying to seriously think about making living arrangements for if I got into Brooklyn or City College. I probably should because it really is coming, and moving/finding housing is no simple business. Min said I could live with her if I ended up going to BC since she is seriously considering getting an apartment near there...Although she won't have a place until April I think and I would start school in January.

In case my dad doesn't pull through with off campus housing I checked out the new BC dorm. It gets points for being new but it's scarily plain and boring and sparse... literally no tiny bit of decoration anywhere in any part of the building. The rooms also seem pretty small and annoyingly laid out (even for a dorm). I could deal with it if I had to but I can see myself suffering in that space (the dorm in general).

I checked out EHS () and found an alternative in the St. George Weller dorm. From the video/pictures it looks amazingly decorative, upbeat and warm, with decent room sizes/layouts and amenities. EHS, as you can imagine is pretty expensive still but for the SPRING 2012 semester it seems it's around the same rate (for triple room) as the boring, new Brooklyn College dorm. It's a little farther though from the school than I would like but such a nice environment seems worth it.


ROOM RATES ST. GEORGE WELLER:

I was having doubts for awhile but I definitely think that Brooklyn College is my first choice school. I really hope I get in and that I'm not being too optimistic by thinking I can/might. It's still good I've reinforce this thought though because if I do get accepted I can really get on the ball about applying/finding housing. It seems too good to be true but I seriously want to get a space in this dorm!!!!

St. George Weller Student Housing (Video + Photos + Info) (EHS site)

Second Post Of September

I noticed that I'm writing more lengthy posts now. That's interesting. I hope I don't jinx it! I also found a check someone gave with more than decent amount of money on it. I'm glad I have more $$$ to fill up the bank with! I'd really like more mulaaa.. I wonder when I will get paid / how much I will get.

Anxiousness

I feel very anxious now. Almost like when I have too much caffeine! It might be in part because I don't know when I'm working this week, what my hours are. There's a place where we (the employees) can check it online, which I think is really cool, but there's nothing on there yet. I have a feeling they just might ask me to work tomorrow though.

I hung out with my dear friend Che today! We had an odd but overall good day. I decided that I might try transferring to S.U.N.Y. Binghamton (she did too) and I'm still looking at other schools. I had originally planned to just graduate from whatever C.U.N.Y. or S.U.N.Y. school I got into but now I'm considering making plans to transfer to something else.

But who knows what things will be like!! I'll really just have to go, and experience, and see. I still have no freaking clue what my major should be or is gonna end up being.

Really anxious/restless right now.. maybe the tea I had had more caffeine than one would think. Agghhh..

Negative Nancys

Oh woe is the negative nancy. I repeat. I need healthier friends! And not to replace my unhealthy friends mind you! Just in addition to.

I think my life would be different idk. or i mean.. it would just be helpful I think.

Heroine Addict

Catching some Buffy: The Vampire Slayer episodes on Chiller! Buffy is an all time fave, along with Xena: Warrior Princess! Dark Angel is ok too. I was wondering if I should add True Blood to the list.. but Idk. Not that Sookie isn't a strong person but she's more of a 'stumble into trouble' main character as opposed to the others.. who are more 'grab trouble by the balls' main characters.

At the same time the series would be completely different if she weren't a female main character. But I suppose the theme 'heroine', in this case, applies more to seriously warrior women.

My feet hurt! I really need new shoes for work. I think I would have a better experience there if I did. The ones I wear now are comfortable initially and look good with the rest of my work outfit but I'm going to get tired of this store fast if I don't find some other ones.

Tomorrow I don't have work, plus today we got hot water and electricity, so I'm gonna console myself by catching the new episode of true blood and whatever else electricity and hot water let me do!

Hurricane Irene pt.3

So things are mostly fine here after the hurricane. There are some fallen branches, debris, and tilted trees around but nothing serious. I was told the front and back [of the house] had been flooded (i.e. street, backyard). My house is also mysteriously overrun with gnats.. (annoying). We haven't had electricity since we got back from New Jersey and we wouldn't have any until Friday or later if we hadn't bought a generator today. 

I had my second official day at work today and I have concluded that I need new shoes to wear there.. I am also embarrassingly bad at math (i.e. change) and doing 'returns' at the cash register >.> But other than that I think everything is fine.

Hurrican Irene pt.2

I have internet, electricity and my laptop and can do alot of the things I do at home.. but I still feel oddly restrictled. We ate dinner here. Just waiting  for new developments concerning the storm..

Well, we're chillin.. kinda tired of the news.

Hurricane Irene

Somewhat sudden trip to my sister's house in New Jersey when they called for a mandatory evacuation of my neighborhood. We were planning to stick around at home until we got the call telling us to leave. Oh well.. it's all been kind of interesting. Made sure to tape up windows and strap down furniture before we left.

I brought some bath stuff, clothes, mp3 player, laptop, cell, charges for all those things, stuffed bunny, wallet, with money, debit card and check book, some books to read, and have been playing with my niece. We might not have power here later.

Good Luck Cathy!!! :3

My friend left for college today @ SUNY Oswego! We hadn't been hanging out that much but she's still a very good friend and I will miss her while she's gone. It's a tad annoying that when she comes back for thanksgiving and Christmas I STILL WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL! But you know what? I'll definitely be in a different mindset because I'll probably know where I'll be going and getting ready to leavee.. or at least know where I'm not going..
Hm. Think I'll go listen to the bravery!
SPRING SEMESTER COME QUICKLLYY!!!

I GOT A JOB AT Pier One Imports! It hasn't sunk in yet that I HAVE A JOB!!! *takes notes* remember to bring calculator from home and fill out emergency contacts sheet. Also, I'm starting next week Monday, Tuesday and Thursday but.. I should call soon and see if I have work Monday (on account of the hurricane). I also went to Kohls today. I now know what non shitty jeans are like! (Thank you Vera Wang) and got some good stuff I think, two interesting tops.. and a cool pair of a pajama pants. Definitely am going back.

EARTHQUAKE!

There was an earthquake today! Based in Virginia apparently and it reached here in NY. The house shook and my fish got sloshed around in the tank. Very interesting! I thought that maybe it was heavy duty construction.

$100 Balloon Fiasco Karma?

So I went to a birthday party recently. For a second cousin's one year old. And at the party they had this 'game' sort of where you pop balloons and there are different amounts of money in them and one or two of them had a $100. I was really desperate for that $100 since I've been saving all else for school even though there are so many things I'd like to buy. Another $100 would of just been so helpful.

Anyway, In the end I thought I had found the balloon with the $100 in it and I guarded it quite a bit. I had one tip off that it might be in a red balloon and I also peaked through the balloon in the sun and I just kept seeing '1' and '0's when it was rolling around, blown by the wind.

It turned out to be a $10.. something which I was very afraid of! T_T but I was so optomistic about it. Coulda sworn there were two zeros!

Oh well

Toe Pain

My toes hurt when I bend them back a certain ways. I'm thinking it's just because of some shoes I was walking around in that were not comfy but for some reason I think this has happened before on it's own. It reminds me something of arthritis.. which scares me.. Only time will tell though and I really hope it gets better. I'm too young to have such inflexibility and aches! Ugh.

Oh Nepenthe

So I started a new tumblr account. I wanted to make one that wasn't connected to all that SVA business and one where I actually talked to the people who 'followed' me and vice versa. I have before on my old account but idk.. everyone there is going to SVA so it's a little depressing to be connected to them now. Plus not all of them I care about very much and quite evident some are not that interested in me. Which is fine, I'm just saying, I'd like to start fresh =3

My new tumblr is more standard fare. It has reblogs of some pretty pictures which my old one didn't have before. You could say it's 'less me' since I wanted to avoid always reblogging ( my old one had slightly more 'individual' content) but. I'm lazy and I just want it to be neater looking (not neat as in cool). I'm sure I'll tweak it so it's not too much like some reblog gallery tumblr; starting with adding some content from my old blog and I'll still add conversation snippets and informational things and such. I'll consider adding stuff from here (life runofff) too.

Yeah, so it's called "Oh Nepenthe" as of now (I think I'll stick with the name for awhile).

Nepenthe meaning..

"Nepenthe - , is a medicine for sorrow, literally, an anti-depressant - a "drug of forgetfulness" mentioned in ancient Greek literature and Greek mythology, depicted as originating in Egypt."

"1. a drug mentioned in the Odyssey as a remedy for grief; hence 2. something that induces forgetfulness of sorrow or eases pain."

I figure it's suitable because that is what I do with my blogs. I rant, express myself, try to put motivational things, post music, and images that affect me somehow.. and try to organize my life and make me feel better in general. It's cool so.. feel free to visit.

ohnepenthe.tumblr.com

JOB PROGRESS (Pier 1 Imports) Pt.3

So apparently they called yesterday and somehow I missed it because a lady turned up on the answering machine, from Pier 1, when my mom checked it this morning.. Damn.. good thing my mom actually chose today to fiddle with the answering machine (we never use the new one). That sucks though because if I had picked up the call yesterday I could have gone shopping with a friend today! I turned her down because I thought I'd have to sit and wait for this call. Hmph.

Oh well, at least I got the job! (a 'job offer', he said). I don't think it pays particularly well but there is trans there, almost round the clock, and it's cheap. Also.. beggars can't be choosers and etc.

When I called back they said the lady I needed to speak to wouldn't be in until 2pm. They took my cellphone number so I think they will call me, if not, of course I'll call back.

Hmm.. hope this all goes well!

JOB PROGRESS (Pier One) Pt.2

So I went to my interview on Friday and it turned out to be a group one which was something I was actually hoping for all along..weird coincidence. I think it went pretty well and that I stood out amongst the people that were there. There were four of us, me being the only girl which was surprising because they're target demographic is women.
Anyway, like I said, I thought it went pretty well and the store manager, Jason, I think, said we'd know by Tuesday if we're hired. If we got a call then 'yay' and if not then 'no hard feelings'. Which is fine by me but.. I really hope I get a call! The only downside is that the pay is pretty eh I think. But hey, beggars can't be choosers..

Music; First Impressions

You don't like it because you're expecting/looking for something you've already heard before.

Acquired!

Wonderfully generous boyfriend who I don't say enough nice things about on my blog. We went to Looney Tunes CDs yesterday. Can't wait to collect more great ass stuff.

Goodbye RXP

The only radio station I really liked and that played local and alternative is now off the air! They turned it into 24 hour news.*Sigh What is the world coming to?

R.I.P
RXP 101.9    <3

JOB PROGRESS!

YAY Today someone called me to make an appointment for a job interview @ Pier One Imports! (home furnishings/ decorating store) I'm happy. I hope I don't fuck it up! And it's actually somewhere pretty to work..

Spaz

THE WINTER IS COMING FOR ME AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! WTF

Contemplating the End of My Celebrated Summer

UUGH LIFE IS ...LIKE A LONG WINTER I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO.. just have to remember that I'll be in school by my next birthday. *breathes in *breathes out

You can't just give people truth.. They have to find it.

YES.

Deep Autumn

Types of Autumns

1. Deep Autumn:

• Eyes: Dark brown, dark hazel, black, or dark green.
• Hair: Medium brown, medium to deep auburn, dark brown deep chestnut or black.
• Skin: Warm beige, neutral beige, golden brown, dark brown, olive.

Best colors for Deep Autumns:

From Left: Black brown, black, light yellow, marigold, peach, terracotta, salmon pink, tomato red, deep red, true red, dark rose, lemon yellow, camel, jade, moss, lime bronze, hot turquoise, cerulean, chinese blue, evergreen, dark purple, purple.

(http://www.collegefashion.net/fashion-tips/how-to-find-your-perfect-colors/)

I think this is me! YAY!

Clothing for Fall?

Tried on some jeans I had and went through my clothes in preparation for fall. I freaking hate all of it lol! Idk. I have to build a new wardrobe A.S.A.P = ( I have no freaking idea what I'm gonna do!

Placenta Cocktails

If I ever do deign to subject myself to the terror, and horror, and oppression, and subjugation... of birth/pregnancy... I plan to eat my own placenta... or maybe I will get a hold of someone else's before then!

INTP Careers..

                INTP Careers^                        Profitable Careers^
The ongoing struggle...

Dr. Me?

Hmm I had a bit of an idea breeze through when I was looking up information about calcium and women's health. I've thought about being a doctor or something medical before but not quite in the same way. It reminded me of my friend Cathy and how she was interested in some sort of health studies as well.. and I feel similar to how she does I think. I figure there's also a lot of different types of jobs in the medical field and many new and interesting topics to explore pertaining to health.

I think the feeling is starting to pass.. but I may have opened the door to something..

Facebook

Thanks facebook for letting me know.. exactly when things went wrong. Eight hours ago my boyfriend wasn't mad at me. Ten hours ago  I wasn't [as] mad at my mother. Twelve hours ago I was much more optimistic about how everything was going to turn out today... and a few hours before that I was in the midst of a nightmare.

Greener Grass

If only I could put myself up for adoption! I just love the thought of all the possibilites, even the bad ones, of where I could end up. Then again maybe it's good I didn't grow up as freakishly privileged as I would have liked.. because this way I sort of know more about what I 'want'?

Feeling weird right now.. wonder if it's just caffeine or maybe I need to sleep but it hasn't quite hit me yet.. that that's what I should do.

What You Know Is Not Everything

"The problem is that this is not a time of testing, so you don't know how well your ideas will stand up to future crisis. You only know how well they withstood past tests. But the future is always different, and what happens in the future depends upon what is true at that time. Therefore you must keep your mind open and flexible. You only know what you know, and that is not everything. Continue to examine yourself and see what could be improved. Even if your life is satisfactory now, it may not always be." -astro.com

I took this from a horoscope of mine because I think it's the kind of idea I express a lot! It's interesting to see someone else do it.

Say No To Pot [Brownies]

My boyfriend, apparently, still occasionally has pot brownies.

Ugh.. I don't care if it's 'not smoking' it's still a freaking turn off. Blegh.

Finishing up the movie 'Role Models' on FX Movies. I like it quite a bit. I don't enjoy all of these types of comedies.

Spring 2012 SUNY Apps Are In!

So I decided that I'm actually pretty into the idea of going to UBuffalo. I actually have two places now that I'd be slightly more than willing to go to out of my SUNY list. Down side is that I found out each school costs $50 to apply to.. not one fee for multiple colleges like the CUNY app. -__- So if I applied to UPlattsburgh, UAlbany, UBuffalo, and Oneonta it's freaking $200. Therefore I migh just take Oneonta off the list.

Ugh I have to write an essay.. x.x

Frenchy pt. 2

Great, my brother's dog got super sick a day or two after I was charged with watching him. Mom makes it sound like everyone thinks its my fault; really hope not. I watched and followed that dog around like a hawke.. always stalking it.

What You Surround Yourself With?

I need to make healthier friends! Not that I don't appreciate and love the ones I have but they all have such big issues; and I have my own problems; and I feel like I could drown in theirs if I happen to start thinking about all of them at once (which I do sometimes).

One friend I have is definitely more stable/progressive but she's going away to college soon and is more centered on her own life right now. I wish I could talk to her more though, and tell her this stuff, and be casual, but she has a lot going on (since she's going away).

As for everyone else.. the lot of them have big mental/emotional issues or life problems and the one, out of that group, that isn't bordering on unstable, I can't talk to/vent about the others because he has a complete lack of understanding/sympathy for those types of things. On top of that, he thinks whatever is bothering me is completely unfounded or irrelevant too; which is just frustrating as hell (not to mention, completely unhelpful).

Idk... just thinking about all this is stressing me out a little. My one relatively rational friend is going away and like..who's gonna be my arm to lean on?.. or shelter in the storm for this new upcoming time in my life. Like I said, I love and appreciate my friends but maybe being surrounded by so much crazy really is negatively impacting me (or will) even though I think I've been handling things pretty well and not letting it get me too down.

Ugh I just want to skip this part and go to college already!! >.<

Potential Problems (No, not me!)

Patient doesn't handle stress well; patient doesn't handle stress at all. Patient disconnects itself from things that force it to tackle life obstacles actively. Patient ardently prefers passive, coasting through life.

Don't know how I'll handle all that = /

Careers? Future? Psychologist? Maybe not.

Maybe I don't want to be a psychologist / couldn't handle it? It would be refreshing to know if I definitely didn't. At least then I could feel like I could stop volleying between that and video/film (for awhile). It seems like my decision always does come to camera work of some sort.

...but awhile later I'm still not even remotely sure.

Hopefully time at college will provide answers = (

A NERVE A NERVE A NERVE

Completely unsympathetic people make me mad. It IS a powerful form of ignorance X_X and a shining example of a lack of perspective.

Frenchy

Had a decent day of ice coffee and dog sitting! Good music and food.

It's hot and I kind of want ice coffee but whatever is chilling in the fridge isn't decaff! I would love something else too, something light and cold like bubble tea.

I would love to have a reason (and a way) to get dressed up and go out somewhere right now. Just somewhere that's lively or interesting where there's a decent amount of people or even somewhere comfortably desolate. Maybe a walk would suffice, or late night trip to the movies. This house gets oppressive.

Dear, ________

Thanks for making me feel like the dirt under your shoe. There are so many things I refrain from saying in anger, so many things, and that's alright but now it seems like your the only one allowed to feel. I know we think differently but it seems that you often take what I say way out of context. Do you know how trapping it is to feel like you can't express your  emotions without being accused of trying to victimize yourself? That's another thing; It's so good to know that you think I'm such a fucking conniving person after almost two years.

*Sigh This is all just so frustrating. I don't know when you'll stop being mad at me but honestly I'll probably still be mad at you and you won't understand why. In fact you'll probably think I'm being ridiculous or stupid for what in the world could you have donee wrong? There's two sides to a coin buddy. Seriously, is it so hard to imagine that there is another perspective reacting and feeling to what you say and feel too? There's no way you could have made me mad in the process?

I understand how what I said could have come off or how you could get the impression you did but do you see how you could misunderstand or that you might be wrong? Idk.

Rant closed I think.

Yours Truly,
             Megan

YAY Book Victory

Just finished 'Slaughterhouse Five' by Kurt Vonnegut. Liked it very much.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom always to tell the difference."

Indeed.

Metric; More relationship lyrics.

"If the fire's out baby, how are you gonna keep me warm?"
(-Collect Call by Metric)
*sigh yeah .

I wish alijah would dance with me sometime, to metric, in a club with the walls painted black and small colored lights that rotated around the floor. But no one else being there.

If ever things get better...

"Will you take me
in your arms again...
and with one kiss eradicate each
hour apart from your embrace?"
- The Red Violin
I don't think I'll try to talk to him for awhile.

Freaking love when people say they're "Done" with me.

Why does he gotta be like that.. T___T it gives me a stomache ache. I wonder if it contributes at all to my weird perpetual anxiety. Ugh whatever.

What do you do when your boyfriend tells you to take down your status?

Punch him in the face and chase him with a wood spoon the size of a boat paddle! Infuriating indeed.

First thing resembling a poem in ages..

On a bus out of boston
orange straw leaking caffeine into my mouth
thinking about how I'm gonna get high off life
climb a mountain somewhere
and wipe away my fears for the future

"oh please, don't let what was get in the way of what's next. don't forget, that what's to come hasn't come yet "

Back From Boston (...)

Don't want to go back to worrying about, work, my family, the future, and school. = ( Wish I could just enjoy my summer!!

Back From Boston

Boston was lovely and filled with beautiful and fun things. I keep forgetting that New York City is like the dirtiest place ever (still wonderful though). Visiting my aunt, uncle and cousins was great. I really loved spending time with each one of them.
Coming back though, I'm feeling a little 'unstuck' from my environment; as if I could fall into any other place in the world, from here, at any time. I sort of wish it would happen too. Not so keen on Long Island after finding such a better version of it.
Some places I visited were Salem, Marblehead, Marblehead Neck, Government Center, Swampscott, and the Boston Museum of Fine Art where I saw the visiting Chihuly exhibit!

Leaving For Boston Soon

Tired and anxious = sort of nauseous. Ugh. I do want to visit my aunt and cousins though!

Swampscott Here I Come O_o

Going on a four hour trip to Boston tomorrow, to visit my aunt, with my grandparents. harumph.

Diva Cup Is Here!

Diva Cup came in today!! It's the end of my period but whatever I'm still glad I got one. You can swim with it in, sleep with it in (overnight). It's economical and green! Good investment; cutting one of the major expenses in my life.

Dolce Far Niente

I blogged about this before but it really is something I think I'm fairly good at at times.

Need the enthusiasm back!

I wish I could get excited about going to college again. Maybe after I get a job and do/accomplish some other things I wanted to I'll be able to feel more so.

"Basically. Like how can you be out of high school and not freaking out about the future?! It's coming for you, dude."

-Che
Lol said like a champ.

Right. Rehash of 'Problems Are Problems'

The dysfunctional family comes in many shapes and forms and although lives can come in varying degrees of good and bad because of that, with some worse than others, it's not for one to forget that they're all still dysfunctional.

Series "Perpetual Identity Crisis"

I was happy to see Lev Yilmaz (AgentXPQ on Youtube) starting to put out some new videos. It's interesting how easy he is to relate to. A lot of people say that though.

Going Green Hygiene? Power to women and down with the tampon industry!

Finally invested in a menstrual cup; ordered one off amazon. Should be coming soon! I might actually get it before my period is over..dont know if I'd want to try it out right away though. Chose the 'Diva Cup' brand based on good reviews. Will probably be writing about this more in the future.

*BAHAHAHA sob.

Still don't have a job damnit or a reading list. This life I've thought up needs to start in on some places.

Hmm.. that's right.

A comment my friend made made me really want to reinvent my attitude towards life (that I've had lately). Although I do, generally, try to cultivate a positive one, there was definitely something missing that I've been reminded of..

"Megg! i miss u :( i miss us talkin abt our thoughts nd how wre gona grow and change our lives lol :,)"

Read the mission statements..

"Some of these people make me sick. But a law's been broken here. You do remember the law, don't you?" - Joe Millers from the movie 'Philadelphia"


I wish more people were really passionate about something or did things with more conviction. I feel like the only people with strong beliefs these days are those that are terribly ignorant; that just should not be.

"worst girlfriend ever" (?)

What an asshole.

My mom got these. I can't tell if I think this is a good name for a cereal.

1st

Watercolor Moleskine came in from amazon today, quicker than expected. I can't believe how expensive these shits are X_X. I need to learn book binding..

I regret not remembering more history I learned in highschool. It really is sad how much people don't know about their world (in that way).
I mean like I really don't know much at all about the WWs but they were freaking WORLD WARS! So sad.

Ugh Racism x.x

Yesterday, some girls were harassing my friend Che for being black. They followed her around for a whole block bothering her. It just urks me so fucking much and I really wish I could have been there to do or say something. I imagined being able to use a paintball gun on their faces or retaliating in some way besides calling the police. That would be a little weird though, carrying a paintball gun around. Realistically I should totally get some Mace; would have no remorse for them.

Megan Meghan Meaghan Meagan Meygen Megan

I really can't be friends with other 'Megans'. The very first one I met I thought was a total bitch and this was in elementary school. Not that I think all Megans are bitches but.. idk I've just always had a problem with them.

First Water Park In Ages!

Got a new bathing suit and some tampons I am ready to go to Splish Splash on Wednesday I think!

Artistic Investments

Bought some art supplies off amazon. Same items as above^. Sprang for the Watercolor Moleskine  even though I typically avoid that brand. Not that they're not great and all but they're just too expensive for me!. I already found some alternatives in Piccadillys and sketchbooks by Sterling Publishing ( but nothing that's good for watercolor.)

• Large Watercolor Moleskine
• Derwent Watercolor Pencils (12 set)
• Pigma Micron Pens (6 pack)

In the end, everything totaled to around 40 bucks. The ironic thing being that the moleskine is going to arrive before anything I can use on it! x.x (i.e. the pencils and pens). Thanks amazon for the great shipping options... Anyway, I wish I didn't splurge at least that much money on magic cards. X_X