I don't want to live in alaska.

I stopped being able to focus on doing my work awhile go. At first I thought it was the interest in this new show I began watching on netflix but then I started not being able to concentrate on that the same way. I'm thinking caffeine without eating, plus night fall, plus dim lights and the lack of a proper room one are facilitating a bit of anxiety/depression.

I could of used my time this weekend a little more wisely lol. Maybe I'll feel better after I eat something more substantial? Hopefully my mother doesn't come home with fast food again. She's been doing that a lot lately. I also got some water to perhaps chase away the caffeine... and as it turns out I am thirsty!

Woes of the Day

I need to be happy. I need to be excited.. and I need to not be sick anymore!

I also need to restock a few essentials; lip balm, deodorant etc.

I really need to save money right now but I've found some loose bills in a bag of mine... It's important to save right now but, like Minnie said, I shouldn't always just deprive myself. What is money but paper anyway? I think it'll be ok to get a few small things for myselff... perk up my spirits a bit and maybe be more excited for the semester.
I'll still try to see how much I can get other people to pay for though :p

"General Disagreement"?

"General disagreement **
Valid during many months: On the negative side, this can be a time of furious conflict with others. Recent actions by you or by other people may have created energies that lead to anger, rage and general disagreement between you and others. If you have not been careful to enlist people to your side in any work that required your individual initiative and if you have alienated them thereby, you may find now that the forces of opposition have become too great to control.

The other side of this transit is quite different and much more positive. It can mean a time when some activity you started in the past is brought to a triumphal climax. However, you had to face a challenge that tested the validity of what you were doing. If you survived that challenge successfully, you will now enjoy the fruition of that effort. "

I've never gotten a horoscope quite like this before... I'm really hoping that the negative isn't the one that comes to pass but I feel like it will be.. that, however, might just be the mild anxiety talking.
Tread carefully I will..

SOSPMS

I'm feeling anxious again lately and more sensitive to my concerns about school, applying to them, and certain personal relationships (feeling a little alone as well).

I think it might be, in large part, the onset of PMS. :(

(I got a bloaty belly too but that might be from eating so much Thanksgiving food.) The distress always makes me feel compelled to read my long term horoscope forecasts which does help me put certain things in perspective sometimes. It also reminds me of what I need/should be doing in life.

Leaving Paradise.

I reread Paradise Kiss today.. there's just so much to say and I probably won't be able to say all of it. It was really.... I mean, I had read it before when I was younger and liked it but this time around it was sooo WOW.... Chapter after chapter it was so relate-able to me in a weird way. The relationship between Yukari and George, dealing with natural immaturity/selfishness..and stubborn, warped personalites.. and their expectations of each other, really spoke to me. There were many other things too though.. especially the ending. I mean I get it but.. of course there's the part of me that's screaming for a typical shojo happy ending.. where they overcome all odds and stay together :3 It's almost unsatisfying when I remember that they really do not.

Idk.. It was just a freakishly impressive piece of work.

I hope I meet great people to value and have life changing/affirming experiences.

Being.

I don't know how to  BE.. I have to find a happy medium.

Changing Seasons

It's been very cool and sunny out. My cheeks had some light dryness (could just be my toner lol) and my lips are getting chapped as hell (someone is whippin up a batch of sugar scrub soon). So the cold seasons are definitely on the move. Not to mention it's pretty deep into October. I'm almost starting to feel a similar anxiety about the winter season as I did about autumn in the summer. Again, it might be the PMS. I hope nothing bad happens.

Woe

I'm back to feeling like I can't get too excited about college again. I kept getting amped about Brooklyn College and I made plans concerning if I had to go there (out of necessity) but there is a pretty reasonable chance that I will not so I guess I'm trying to brace myself for that. I just reaaaally don't want to be bummed or less excited about school as I could be if I don't get in. My SUNY apps aren't squared yet and that is troubling me too.. (since I probably won't get into Brooklyn College..that is my best bet).

*SIGH. Things will work out.. >.>

I'm considering saving even more of my money now so I can buy things during college.. I mean.. considering I probably don't NEED anything at the moment..It might be worth just saving it to have it later.

Solitude!

I'm alone QUITE a lot I realize... A LOT. I don't know how I tolerate it. If someone else was me they would probably be super depressed because of that by itself. I shoulldddd.. go out more. I just feel like I can't really that freely yet. Not that there's anything to do around here.

Savings

I got this offline and will hold it near and dear to my heart. It concerns how much of your paycheck should go towards savings (what percentage).

* If you strive to be DEAD BROKE: Then you should spend more than you earn

* If you strive to be POOR: Then you should spend everything you make, and always talk of saving “some day”

* If you strive to be MIDDLE CLASS: Then you should pay yourself 5 - 10% gross income

* If you strive to be UPPER MIDDLE CLASS: Then you should pay yourself 10 -15%

* If you strive to be RICH: Then you should pay yourself 15 - 20 %

* If you strive to be RICH ENOUGH TO RETIRE EARLY: Then you should pay yourself greater than 20%

Negative Nancys

Oh woe is the negative nancy. I repeat. I need healthier friends! And not to replace my unhealthy friends mind you! Just in addition to.

I think my life would be different idk. or i mean.. it would just be helpful I think.

Good Luck Cathy!!! :3

My friend left for college today @ SUNY Oswego! We hadn't been hanging out that much but she's still a very good friend and I will miss her while she's gone. It's a tad annoying that when she comes back for thanksgiving and Christmas I STILL WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL! But you know what? I'll definitely be in a different mindset because I'll probably know where I'll be going and getting ready to leavee.. or at least know where I'm not going..
Hm. Think I'll go listen to the bravery!
SPRING SEMESTER COME QUICKLLYY!!!

JOB PROGRESS!

YAY Today someone called me to make an appointment for a job interview @ Pier One Imports! (home furnishings/ decorating store) I'm happy. I hope I don't fuck it up! And it's actually somewhere pretty to work..

Contemplating the End of My Celebrated Summer

UUGH LIFE IS ...LIKE A LONG WINTER I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO.. just have to remember that I'll be in school by my next birthday. *breathes in *breathes out

You can't just give people truth.. They have to find it.

YES.

Placenta Cocktails

If I ever do deign to subject myself to the terror, and horror, and oppression, and subjugation... of birth/pregnancy... I plan to eat my own placenta... or maybe I will get a hold of someone else's before then!

INTP Careers..

                INTP Careers^                        Profitable Careers^
The ongoing struggle...

Dr. Me?

Hmm I had a bit of an idea breeze through when I was looking up information about calcium and women's health. I've thought about being a doctor or something medical before but not quite in the same way. It reminded me of my friend Cathy and how she was interested in some sort of health studies as well.. and I feel similar to how she does I think. I figure there's also a lot of different types of jobs in the medical field and many new and interesting topics to explore pertaining to health.

I think the feeling is starting to pass.. but I may have opened the door to something..

Facebook

Thanks facebook for letting me know.. exactly when things went wrong. Eight hours ago my boyfriend wasn't mad at me. Ten hours ago  I wasn't [as] mad at my mother. Twelve hours ago I was much more optimistic about how everything was going to turn out today... and a few hours before that I was in the midst of a nightmare.